The Cripples and the Freaks
by Silent Bob 546
Summary: First off...NO OFFENCE TO ANYBODY DISABLED! I'm sorry, but I've been out of it for a few days, and it's the only thing I could think of! This is a trailer for a new fic. Just look inside for my whole, very long speel.
1. Trailer

I am back. You all thought you got rid of me, but I'm here to tell you no. Muahahaha. I'm sure none of you missed me anyways, but I'm glad to be back, and I missed you all! -

Anyways, this fic is a crossover on this one book I read, Apaches. I'm not sure if any of you read it, but just in case, it's pretty much a book about 6 retired cops that band together and try to bring down crime, similar to the LXG style. They're from 1985, so a time machine will be involved.

So, this is a trailer, and you can expect a fic coming soon. I'll try to make it quick, but school can consume my life, not just homework. So, sorry in advance!

Now, I think I've prattled on long enough. For both the fic and this trailer, no flaming, please! Both of these group do not belong to me; LXG was a comic made into a movie by more capable people, and Apaches was a book created by Lorenzo Carcaterra

V-V

Narrator: _New York City. _**Screen pans on all sites of a 1985 New York, like Statue of Liberty, the city itself, etc.** _Home to the innocent _**shot of kids playing** _and scum_**shows sinister-looking man spying on them.**

_Not much different a century ago. _**Goes back in time, to New York City in 1899**

_Two certain groups are tired of crime_ **screen in split in half, both shot at night. On 1899 NYC, seven shadows are shown on ground, one large and gorilla in form, the other surrounded by bats. 1985 NYC has six shadows, all plain human,** _and they'll do anything they can to bring justice to the city, even if they are the bizarre and crippled._

**Six people (five men, one woman) are standing before a weird-looking machine, with two people next to it. A petite, blonde woman is explaining it.**

Blonde: _Time is a very dangerous thing, but most seem to cherish the fact of going back to do undo certain mistakes, or forward to see the possibilities. _

**As she talks, shows the League are standing around 1985 NYC, looking dazed and confused.**

_Nobody seems to realize that events occur because of a choice._

**Shows one of the men from the** _Apaches_** looking nervous, faced with a problem**

_Like, what if we didn't go to war in Vietnam? Or, what if a certain person won, when they were supposed to lose?_

**Shows a woman standing in the shadows. It's 1985, and she is addressing a large crowd of criminals, from the sly, high-end people, to the lowly slums**

Woman: _My dears, we have always been looked down on as sinners. We are lower than a slave from a century ago. Remember, though, a change in history is all that's needed._

**A man is seen in the shadows as well, talking after her**

Man: _A certain event was to occur. But, if we disrupt it so that the outcome is altered, then the criminal future can rise above the so-called 'innocent'._

Narrator: _History and future rest in the hands of two groups. _**shows** _Apaches, _**and** _LXG_** facing each other, sizing each other up**

_Sean Connery is Allan Quartermain _**Allan is taking his time to aim his gun at a running man. He shoots dead-on at the heart**

_Shane West is Tom Sawyer_ **Tom has his arms spread out, both clutching pistols. He stares down one criminal, who has one pistol pointed at his head**

_Peta Wilson is Mina Harker _**Mina gives on man a seductive look, enticing him. She surprises him by snarling and showing him her fangs, her hair going wild**

_Naseeruddin Shah is Captain Nemo _**Nemo aims a powerful kick at one man's chest, sending him flying over the edge**

_Tony Curran is Rodney Skinner_ **A brick, held up by invisible hands, is slammed on the top of an unfortunate man's head. The black trench coat swirls, wrapping around Skinner**

_Jason Flemyng is Henry Jekyll _**Jekyll is seen twirling a vial around; next shot, Hyde is roaring, knocking six people aside like a fly**

_Stuart Townsend is Dorian Gray _**A woman gasps, backing away from Dorian, who sighs at the sword sticking from his chest**

_Tom Cruise is Giovanni "Boomer" Frontieri _**Boomer is seen punching the lights out of a criminal, swirling around to shoot another behind him in the gut**

_Orlando Jones is Davis "Dead-Eye" Winthrop _**Dead-Eye cocks his gun coolly, his back against the wall. He's unconcerned for the man sneaking up next to him**

_Uma Thurman is Mary "Mrs. Columbo" Silvestri_ **Mrs. Columbo kneels on a man, smiling sweetly as she pinpoints her pistol at his chest, her other hand wrapped around his throat**

_Antonio Banderas is Delgado "Geronimo" Lopez_ **Geronimo is stopping a bomb from detonating, while a man tries to come up behind. He slams the assailant down with a well-placed kick**

_Kevin Bacon is Jimmy "Pins" Ryan_ **Pins is talking cheerfully to a man. He shakes his hand, and is shown planting a bug on his sleeve**

_Colin Farrell is Bobby "Rev. Jim" Scarponi _**Rev. Jim downs a shot of tequila, holding one man back with a fist. He turns and pulls out a gun**

_Johnny Depp is Nunzio Goldman_**Nunzio is serving drinks, his head cocked to the side to listen to a loud table's conversation**

_Drew Berrymore is Catty Current _**Catty is the blonde woman next to the machine, staring at it with both dread and longing**

_Rosario Dawson is Jackie Agamedes _**Jackie steps out of the shadows, holding the hand of-**

_Orlando Bloom is William Agamedes _**William, both sharing a small kiss, as the window behind them shows a darker setting, with criminals running amuck**

**Both groups are in a 1985 apartment, resting themselves and talking about their situtation.**

Dead-Eye: _We got six cripples, a barman, an inventor, and seven freaks, which is 19 altogether…_

Tom: _against a group of God knows how many criminals in two time eras?_

Skinner: _So, basically, just you're everyday, run-o-te-mill world problem, eh?_


	2. Now We Begin!

Yeah, so this is the fic. Please be gentle and no flaming! And, as said before, I don't own either groups, Nunzio, or Holmes. Catty, the Corrupt Couple, and most criminals are mine.

-.-T-T

Goto the West 96th-Street, and often, you'll see people heading over to Nunzio's, an Italian restaurant that served all who could pay.

But nobody was allowed in, for tonight, it was closed. Yet, if anyone cared to look inside closely, they would see some shadows dancing in the light of a single lamp. Nobody really cared, however. Most knew not to mess with the Italian-Jewish owner, who neutral to a fault. Nunzio Goldman served and associated with assassins and some pimps he found to be clean enough, but to those who preyed on children, he kicked them out, literally.

Tonight was a special night. He called six people that day, frantic for them to show up. It was no surprised Giovanni "Boomer" Frontieri had shown up first. They had been friends for a while, and Boomer was a diligent man, always the first to leap to action. The solid, dark-haired man had always been this way from a legendary NYPD cop to his current, jobless state.

In fact, it had been Boomer who came up with the Apaches in the first place, a secret unit made of the best six cops, including himself, of New York City that hit hard and fast. Though crippled (Boomer had half a lung and he limped on his right leg), all six proved that injuries were not something that would slow them down.

The quiet geek, Jimmy "Pins" Ryan had been next. That was typical as well. The electronic-genius, who had been prized in the Drug Task Force before being shot in the chest and arms, was the short, shy member who ran a bowling alley. It was under repair after their last takedown of drug queen Lucia Carney, where he had been strapped to dynamite; he and another member made it out, but the alley was destroyed.

Though he seemed anxious about the Apache thing, he really did enjoy being part of the team. Nowadays, however, he seemed more introverted after they took Carney down. Nunzio knew it was because he had always felt the most useless, having never fired a gun, and was disappointed to have been beaten like that.

Delgado "Geronimo" Lopez and Bobby "Rev. Jim" Scarponi bustled in a little later, interrupting the trio's conversation.

Geronimo was Native-American and Puerto-Rican, yet he always embraced his Indian side. He was the tall, dark, and silent man, and when he did speak, it was a wise comment, usually with a bit of Nat-American philosophy. A running bronco dangled on the chain around his neck could usually be found on him.

Most never guessed that this man had been one of the Bomb Unit's most trusted member. He loved the workings of explosives, loved being against the machine, see how he could master it and take it apart. It's ironic how that was the end of his career, when a grenade blew up in his chest. The Apaches gave him a chance to go against explosives again, and for that, he was grateful.

Rev. Jim, on the other hand, had been prized in the Decoy Unit. He could go through any disguise, any accent, and any story. Sarcastic to a fault, he never lost a chance to make a wise-ass remark or comment.

He always reflected back to his mother's death, which had turned him from a junkie to a cop. He knew he was partially to blame, but he felt filled with justice when he killed her murderer. He worked hard at his job, which was undone when he was lit on fire accidentally by a couple of teens.

Now, both Geronimo and Rev. Jim were helping their geek with the construction of his bowling alley, with a few of Nunzio's friends. The reason they came at different times, however, was because Pins had gone off on an errand close by Nunzio's.

Nearer to the end of the afternoon, Dead-Eye hurried in. The tall Black man had offered no explanation, which was because they could guess his lateness. It probably had to do with his three-year-old son, Eddie, whom he cherished, or his wife, Grace, who was still uncomfortable with his Apache job.

He worked as a doorman as well, after he retired from the NYPD from an elevator shoot-out that cost him his leg, chest, and arms. He was a guarded man, but friendly at the same time, with a keen eye. He was the only member who could have his dominant arm damaged, but still get a perfect shot with his recessive one. He never missed a mark.

Finally, Mary "Mrs. Columbo" Silvestri entered, which was the same time Nunzio began to hurry customers out. She, too, had a good excuse to be tardy.

Beautiful, a redhead, and sharp, her nickname was just a true for her as it was for the others. She was a great homicide detective before her rape and stabbing that landed her in insurance selling, and could make any suspect talk, having a vast variety of ways to do so.

Though like a big sister, family was something she couldn't really pull off. She had a 16-year-old son, sharp and beloved by her, and a husband whom she did love, but was struggling with. He had made a mistake that had almost killed her, and now, they were trying to keep the family together. He never enjoyed the thought of her being in homicide and the Apaches, thinking it was too dangerous for her; not to mention, she was a terrible cook.

As she sat herself down at their table, next to Boomer, Nunzio came back, wiping sweat from his face. "Thank god they all owe me, cause otherwise, I'd been at the barrel end of a few guns."

Rev. Jim grinned at him, "Well, mercs do hate it when they're pulled away from their pasta."

"For the record, it was salad and pizza," Nunzio retorted back. Wiping his hands on the rag around his shoulder, he glanced at all of them. "So, you all want something?"

Boomer shrugged after exchanging a look with Dead-Eye. "It's your party, Nunz. Not that I don't have anything better to do anyways, and always love hanging around here…"

"Some of us do have spouses and kids that hate having their together time cut down," Dead-Eye added, nodding at Mrs. Columbo.

Nunzio winced. "I understand. But, this might be long, so unless you all ate, what'll it be?"

-.-T-T

After Geronimo's plate had been served to him, Nunzio took a seat, sipped his wine, and began, "Let's start with me having a lady friend."

Rev. Jim coughed loudly, almost choking on his salmon. Pins pounded his back, as Mrs. Columbo smirked. Rev. Jim, after he got the food unstuck, wheezed, "So the scout has some entertainment?"

The barman glared, shutting him up. "Not that kind, goomba. This one girl, Catty Current, is my sister-in-law's sister, and she's married to this one inventor. Apparently, she and her husband have been experimenting with time…"

-.-T-T(1899)

"…a machine that can travel back and forth in different time periods."

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen sat at their seats at the long table, shocked at the information given to them.

"To what periods, exactly?" Allan Quartermain, legendary hunter and leader of the League, inquired. The thought of traveling through time seemed risky to him, and he was never one to back down on action.

Mycroft Holmes cleared his throat. "We…don't know."

A groan arose from the youngest member. The American Secret Service Spy, Tom Sawyer, huffed, "Well, that's helpful to whatever you've got planned for us. Ow!" he hissed, not daring to glare at the beautiful chemist, Wilhelmina "Mina" Harker for her pinch on his arm. Though pinches from women didn't hurt, the hybrid vampire had sharp nails and strength that surpassed most females of the century.

Holmes glared at the young blonde. "Let me finish. We're not CERTAIN of how far the machine can specifically travel…but it is estimated that it can go as far as 1985 presently. Some of our scientists even hypothesis that from then on, years are added as long as it is still functional."

"So, wot you're sayin is tat a year later, te ruddy machine can travel from te past all te way to 1986?" Rodney Skinner questioned. He stopped, seeing all the stunned looks of his comrades and employer. "Wot? I'm not allowed to know smart tings? I ave been around you scientist mates for a wile, now!"

Dorian Gray scoffed, allowing a smirk to cross his lips, "No…we're just amazed you can actually reason out something almost remotely intelligent without our assistance."

The thief chuckled mockingly with the others, resting his elbow on the table to deliver the handsome immortal a rude gesture with his two fingers.

"Gentlemen, please!" Holmes barked, their attention back on him. He straightened his suit before continuing. "Mr. Skinner might be correct on that assumption (The invisible thief threw everyone a smug look) for most of our top-level scientists believe that as well. However, most of us can only theorize anything from this machine."

"Of what concern does it involve us?" Captain Nemo questioned, his sharp eyes never breaking contact with Holmes's.

"Yes, w-well, that," he stuttered. He composed himself before answering, "I'm not certain of the facts, but I believe the story is…"

-.-T-T(1985)

"…Catty's husband got it to work, and he decided to go to 1899. She's said it's been a week and he's still not back yet," Nunzio finished, taking another sip of his wine.

"He made it work? That's incredible! It must've taken him a while; I would love…to…" Pins trailed off, seeing the strange looks the others gave him. "Never mind."

Geronimo stared back at Nunzio, the fork of pasta in his hand forgotten. "You…did tell her we aren't exactly the kind of people that do that kind of work, right?"

Nunzio stayed silent, as Dead-Eye moaned, "Nunz, we aren't people who go around messing with time machines and other crap from 1800's stories! We deal with criminals, with **reality**," he pressed.

The barman rolled his eyes. "Think I didn't know that?" He sighed, "Look, I couldn't turn her down. Besides, it does involve something that you guys are good at."

"Better make it quick and good," Mrs. Columbo warned, glancing at her watch. She was supposed to be having dinner with her family, not her six male friends whom her husband, Joe, was already jealous towards.

"Catty told me that two days ago, when she was cleaning, the machine went off and two people stepped out. They had 1800-style clothing, and they were all proper and shit. She told me that they knocked her out, and when she came to, some of her stuff had been looted."

"And…?"

"Get this. Last night, I had a friend of mine told me that a guy he iced had a note that said something about a ball for criminals and lowlifes of all sorts."

Rev. Jim mused, "Why did he loot through his stuff in the first place? I thought they got paid big time."

Nunzio smiled cynically, "You'd be surprised how many get conned of their payment. Sometimes, they have to resort to scavenging."

"And ball? I mean, who uses that kind of talk?"

Boomer frowned, "So, she WAS telling the truth. Only the past used that kind of talk, and I doubt anybody today talks like Shakespeare."

"Unless it's code. I mean, I couldn't understand what the hell that one book about a cheating woman was saying, so nobody else would," Dead-Eye pointed out. "Perfect for trading secrets."

Nunzio shook his head. "Whatever you all think, I'm sticking with Catty. The point, though, is that they're gathering every criminal from New York into a large party, so they gotta be…"

-.-T-T(1899)

"Among the top criminals in the world, specifically wanted in America."

Tom stopped tapping his foot impatiently, gulping with dread. He hesitantly asked, "Ah…um, what are their names?"

Holmes pulled out the folder that had been tucked under his arm. Flipping through it, he hummed before fishing out the document. "Ah-hah! Found you little bugger!" He blinked before shying slightly from the amused looks all around. "Right then. Um, yes. Jackie and William Agamedes, or-" he peered at the names again, "The Corrupt Couple."

Tom cursed loudly. Mina raised an eyebrow, curious to his reaction. "I assume, Sawyer, you know of this people?"

He scoffed, "Ya kiddin me? Half the Secret Service has been on their tails since I joined up."

Dr. Henry Jekyll, who had been quiet battling his alter ego, Edward Hyde, hesitantly spoke up, "So, this couple has gone into the future?"

Holmes grimaced as he nodded. "Yes. I am not certain of their plan…but we can at least theorize that they'll concoct a terror of some sort. In any means possible, they must. Be. Stopped."

Skinner stretched his arms over his head. "So, tis couple ere. Ow bad we talking?"

The American rolled his hazel eyes to the ceiling. "Pretty bad. I heard both are very smart; some even guessed that they have some power. The wife somehow always knows her enemy's attack, and she's pretty sly."

Allan nodded, a dazed look on his old face. "I might've heard a bit on them. Were they the ones who slaughtered that town in Virginia?"

A look of disgust flashed across the woman's face. "I believe I heard that article as well. It also mentioned that the husband might've owned a large business of whorehouses, correct?"

"Rumors are anything. I heard a lot about what they've done, but I've never gotten as high as to know all about them specifically," Tom admitted, slumping in his seat.

Dorian pursed his lips. "So, you are going for the noble 'stopping-them-by-any-means-possible' pursuit?" he asked scathingly.

Holmes nodded. "That's correct."

"But, they're in the future! How can we stop them?" Jekyll reasoned. A bitter grin made its way along the round man's lips.

"Did you really think there was only one machine in the future?"

-.-T-T

Well, that's it. I know, sucky, and this whole fic'll suck, but hey, I'm going to have fun with this! >3


End file.
